Ryan Butler's Flying Solo

By Clarence Housley


In our society, it's frowned upon to do things all alone, by yourself. Some people will think you're weird if you are going on vacation by yourself or if you go to a restaurant all alone. It's as if it has become a crime to enjoy your own company for an extended period of time, and that's especially true when it comes to relationships.

We're constantly being bombarded with the idea that it's practically a requirement to be in a relationship; otherwise we're fundamentally flawed as a human being. We've been programmed to pity those who don't have a significant other, and individuals who are single have been made to feel that they are either incapable of forming romantic feelings toward another person or can't hold another's person's interest long enough for those feelings to develop.

Instead of focusing all of our time, energy and money on dating websites, books and services, we should instead focus on who we are as a single person rather than who we think we could be in a relationship. Being single can have just as many advantages as being in a relationship. Single people can do whatever they want whenever they want with whomever they choose without having to check with their boyfriend or girlfriend. You don't feel obligated or have to discuss paying for someone's meal, how you spend your time, movie ticket or buying gifts of affection when you're flying solo, unless you're a generous friend who doesn't mind doing that kind of thing.

Anyone who's been in a meaningful long-term relationship knows what it's like to share every facet of your life and existence with another person and completely expose yourself and make yourself vulnerable to another person. While this experience shouldn't be minimized or seem less important as being on your own, there's a certain joy and freedom in getting to know yourself and uncover our personal layers. This is a concept you might not be able to fully enjoy and immerse yourself in when you're worrying about making another person happy and sacrificing your needs before their own. Your needs come first when you're single, you get to be selfish without feeling bad about it.

The idea of letting love find us rather than searching for it has become a clich. But some clichs can be seen as sage wisdom that has been repeated and recycled over and over again. Although we may tell ourselves differently, we may not be in a mental and/or emotional time in our lives where we are ready to be in a relationship. The opposite may also be true. We could be forming excuses as to what we need to work on mentally, physically and emotionally before we are ready to be in a relationship. The truth is that no one will ever be 100% ready to be in a relationship, we just have to hope the other person is ok with that.

So the next time you feel the need to vomit whenever you see a couple groping, kissing or staring into each other's eyes, ask yourself if they're truly happy, if they're in a loving relationship, if they're just going through the motions because it's safe and expected...or if they'd rather be single like you.




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